FEELING> BALANCE> INTUITION> MIND (R)
DREAMSEED: A reflection by the artist on the first day of public readings
INFLUENCE: The work of Tarot is all about feeling our way towards balance. In my first day of readings I had to first do the work of balancing my own feelings; my fear of inadequacy, judgement and being seen with my yearning to explore these very depths. In order to offer the work to others, I have to be completely aware of my own emotional state and take care of the subtly shifting elements in order to stay in balance.
SUBCONSCIOUS: As I worked through this process, it became clear that dealing with my own feelings was the only way I would be able to access the intuitive energy to reflect back to those the cards were speaking to. I have to be able to discern my own feelings, perspective, bias from the innate nature of the situation that can come through my intuition. Finding the balance of this delicate process will allow me to separate myself from the process and act as a facilitator more than a participant.
MESSAGE: In order to practice this discernment I must relinquish the control my mind seeks to have over the situation. My mind will try to make sense of things in the way it is used to doing; trying to relate everything to my life experience. In a reading process, I must get used to observing what the thoughts are trying to express, but remember that it is not a time to give them absolute power. My intuition, the illogical, mystical part of myself must be the forefront of my reading process. Otherwise, the messages will become chaotic and confused as the channels are filled with my own thought patterns, useless when trying to channel information from another person’s world.
INTEGRATION: Finally, what I must take from my first public reading is not to over think the intense feelings that arise. The intensity is to be expected due to the vulnerable, deep nature of the energy exchanged in the reading process. While these feelings are heavy, they are not the same as heavy feelings that are trying to tell me that something is wrong, out of balance, etc. These are just the residue of the the immense responsibility I am undertaking in holding the space for them to be expressed, and I must learn to expect these feelings coming out of readings. Again, I must not let my mind make the connections it wants to make to hard feelings being bad, and instead learn to integrate self care practices that acknowledge the whole process.
The Dreamers' Tarot 